Hey helper: If you are installing faucets since 1959, then you should be close to retirement, or at least more than just a helper. I guess either you were comatose for a few years, or just been through a lot of trades since you never did well in any of them. Why should plumbing be different? Maybe John can give you a shovel and teach you something you may actually be able to handle intellectually.
The Friendly Chemist